Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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