the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
