I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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