I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
