Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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