goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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