She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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