she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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