omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
