I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
