he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
