I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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