hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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