he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
