So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
