I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
