gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
