The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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