So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
