not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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