Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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