i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
