He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
