worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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