Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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