I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
