I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
