Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
