what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
