can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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