my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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