We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
