just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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