I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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