Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
