I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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