The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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