i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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