Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
