I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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