I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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