I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ladies don't puke and tell
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
