I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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