don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
