I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found the other keg... it's in the tree
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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