i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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