Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize