I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
