Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
