Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
