the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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