Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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