Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
do nipples grow back?
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