just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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