I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
