I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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