And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
