why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
