If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
