I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just had sex bonerless
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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