Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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