I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
