That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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