if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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