hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
