note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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