If that was your dad, he is hot
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
