the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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