so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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