it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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