it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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