So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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