Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
