it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
