My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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