Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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