I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
