listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
