Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
