i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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