No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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