true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
