I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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